Going Under
by onlyyoujarly
Summary: After many heartaches caused by Jason, Sam has finally been pushed to her limit. But despite her best attempts not to..she seems to keep drowning in Jason...Jasam


**WARNING- THIS CHAPTER HAS PROFANITY...AND MENTIONS SELF INFLICTED INJURIES...SO PLEASE BE AWARE OF THIS BEFORE CONTINUING. THANK YOU. **

Sam pressed the blade to her soft skin, contemplating whether to actually do it or not. Clenching her eyes shut, she ran it across her wrist, wincing only when it first punctured her skin, tensing and then relaxing when she saw the first glimpse of blood. It wasn't deep enough to be life threatening, but just deep enough to relieve some of her emotional ache.

Pain was one of her few comforts, after a while she became a immune it, and eventually welcomed it. She would do anything for just a moment's relief's, to not yearn for Jason for a second. She watched as the red liquid trickled down her arm. Each time she inflicted cuts on herself, they seemed to get deeper. None of the past ones had scarred, but she feared this one might. Then again, she kind of wanted it to. What harm would it do? She was already scarred because of Jason Morgan on the inside, why not on the out as well.

Ever since that demented night with Rick, her and Jason had fallen apart, well she had fallen apart. He seemed all too happy when he discovered that Liz's baby was his, why shouldn't he be? Liz was the fucking saint of Port Charles, how couldn't he love her? He probably loved the skank the whole time he was with Sam.

Sam jumped up from her spot on her living room floor, and immediately reached for the whine. She needed to get drunk, to drown out the thoughts of Jason, and her love for him. With shaking hands, she poured herself a glass, spilling a little. She had the glass downed within seconds, and reached for the bottle, this time just drinking for it.

Greedily she gulped the wine, each swallow anesthetized her more. It was ironic really, her and Jason use to drink that exact wine after making love, and now she was using it to forget him. Sam couldn't stop the bitter laugh that escaped, as her mouth finally parted with the bottle. She choked on her laughter, or was that a sob. No! She wasn't going to cry! She had gone months without shedding a tear for that ass, and she wasn't about to start now.

Despite her attempt for them not to, tears fell, a few even fell on the path of now dried blood on her arm, wetting it, causing it to once again run. Her knees buckled, the carpet burning as it rubbed harshly against her bare knees. After everything she had done for him, he left her for that lying bitch! Oh, how she hated her. But her hatred for the hoe, was nothing compared of hers for Jason, or lack of. She had spent many nights trying to convice her heart to loathe him, but never succeeded. Because in the end she didn't hate Jason Morgan, she hated herself and for letting him have this power over her.

At the beginning Sam had swore to herself she wouldn't get attached, and she did. He seemed to have a power over her, from the day they met. And at one time she thought she had that same power over him, maybe she had. After all he had endangered his life for her on many occasions, and of course she had done the same countless times. When it came to giving, Sam was never unwillingly, she gave up alot for Jason, hell apart of her was gone, and sometimes she regretted it, others she resented it, and sometimes she didn't even care.

Ever since her and Jason split up, life had become a blurr centered around Jason, every thought, every dream was about him, and she just knew she was about to go crazy. But there wasn't much she could do, except for surrender to the many emotions flowing through her and allow them to take over, and hopefully every once and a while get drunk enough to forget.

Now I will tell you what I've done for you

_50 thousand tears i've cried_

_screaming, decieving, and bleeding for you_

_and you still won't hear me_

_(going under)_

_don't want your hand this time-i'll save myself _

_maybe i'll wake up for once (wake up for once)_

_not tormented daily defeated by you_

_just when I thought I'd reached the bottom_

_**Going Under by Evanescence**_


End file.
